I Disrespected My Husband!?
Anyone who knows me, knows I loathe grocery shopping. I mean, I really, really , really dislike it. A lot. I think it has to do with the fact that when I was a little girl, whenever I went to the grocery store with my grandmother (which seemed like every single day), she had to go down every single aisle. Every. Single. Aisle. Every. Single. Day. Thank God I have a husband who took on this responsibility when we married. (Thanks, Babe!) Yet, there are occasions when the fancy strikes and I ask LT if I can tag along with him to the grocery store. Because he is so organized and knows exactly what he is getting, the trek is more about spending time with him than the shopping.
Recently, the fancy struck and I found myself at the store with LT and the girls. When we walked in, there was a male produce clerk sorting fresh avocados. LT said hi to him and then he and the girls continued on towards the inner part of the produce section. But I stopped. I knew that avocados were on the list (because I requested them) and I asked the man to pick two fresh ones for me. He happily obliged and after putting the avocados in my plastic produce bag, I caught up with my group. We continued grocery shopping together as a happy family. Once we were finished and on our way out, we passed the same male produce clerk again and LT said goodbye to him (by name, so, obviously, they knew each other).
Later that evening, LT, who doesn't eat avocados, brought up the "incident" in the grocery store with the male produce clerk.
Listen carefully, Wives (and those ladies who want to get married):
LT: "Babe, how do you prefer your avocados when I get them? Hard? Soft?"
TC: "I like them a little hard so they can ripen on the counter."
LT: "Have I been getting them that way?"
TC: "Yep! They have been perfect."
That's when LT begin to school me and impart wisdom (my words, not his) on something much more deep than avocados.
LT: "So is there a reason you asked the clerk to pick them for you?"
TC: "Oh no, Babe. I knew that we were going to get them and since he was sorting them, I asked him to pick me two."
Here's the Wedded WHOAment:
First, LT didn't ask for my assistance, but I assumed I was helping. Next, my husband is perfectly capable of grocery shopping AND picking perfect avocados (and anything else on his grocery list). So for me to ask someone else (ESPECIALLY another man) to take care of his task was/is disrespectful.
My husband is one of the most intelligent beings I know, so why would I ask another man to assist me when my husband is there to assist? I should have followed LT's lead: I know he saw the produce man there, just like I did. If he needed the clerk to assist him, he would have asked. I was out of line.
I am sharing this story because many, many times us wives think we are helping our husbands when we "assist" them with tasks. Bottom line, if he doesn't ask for our help, chances are, he may not need it. If you think he does, ask him (and respect his response). But don't assume.
Bottom line, Wives: We are not men. We are not husbands. Our role in our marriage is completely different from his. Our husband's role is to love us. Period. Our's is to respect (reverence and honor) him. Period.
Your husband may not know when he isn't loving you the way you want to be loved. Likewise, we may not always know when we are being disrespectful (aside from the eye rolling, heavy breathing and bad attitude). So it very, very important to listen when he tells you he feels disrespected. I am thankful that I have a husband, who communicated his feelings with me! Had he not, I may have done this again (and again) without knowing that I was blatantly disrespecting him. I am also thankful that I received what he was saying and didn't feel the need to justify why I did what I did and the reason he shouldn't have felt that way. I am thankful I received what he was saying and I have learned.
Selah!
~TC
*If you benefited from this Wedded WHOAment, you may also enjoy reading "Nagging Nurse? Or Wise Wife".
I love hearing from you! So let's chat!
* Describe the time you were unknowingly being disrespectful to your husband. What did you do to correct the behavior?
* Wives, what are some of the ways you show your husband respect? Husbands, what are some of the ways you show your wife love?
* What household task do you "loathe" that you are glad your spouse handles?