Nagging Nurse? Or Wise Wife
Regularly, our Pastor, Rick Sherer, and his wife, Rhyon, meet with the married couples at Berith Christian Fellowship. Heirs Together are Christian married couples who are being equipped and empowered to reach fulfillment by understanding God’s purpose for the marriage covenant, so that He can perfect the Body through them.
Having been married for twenty-plus years, Pastor Rick and Mrs. Rhyon definitely bring a wealth of experience to these meetings. The teaching is based on the Word of God and, of course, The Sherer's add their own flare to make it relevant and interesting.
Recently, they taught “When a Husband Loves His Wife.” Through this, the husbands learned how to effectively love their wives, as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-29).
This month’s lesson, addressed us wives, “When a Wife Loves Her Husband”, is teaching us wives how to reverence and respect our husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24, 33). Through the classes, we have been learning about the attributes of a wise wife, versus a foolish wife.
“The wise [wife] builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands”.
Proverbs 14:1 NKJV
By nature, men are problem-solvers and achievers. Men tend to value skill, ability and achievement. When a wife badgers, nags and second-guesses her husband’s abilities, she is ultimately demeaning her husband’s character and not reverencing him. She is tearing down her house, brick by brick.
A wise wife embraces and appreciates her husbands’ skills and abilities. Through this, she builds her house.
A heart Surgeon is operating on a patient. The patient’s life is literally in this man’s hands. If he makes one wrong move, there will be consequences. At the very least, he will have to give an explanation to the patient’s family and his boss, the Attending Surgeon.
Although he is feeling a little tense because this is the first surgery that he has been allowed to perform without the Attending Surgeon being in the room to guide him, he is confident that all his studying and previous experience will render this operation a success.
Now imagine a nurse coming in the room. Although she has witnessed a few heart surgeries that this Surgeon has preformed from the viewing gallery overhead, she is not assigned to this particular case. But she wants to help. As such, she walks into the operating room and scrubs up. She looks around the room, making certain that all the monitors are working properly. Then she approaches the Surgeon and begins to question his every move.
‘Doctor, are you sure that you are supposed to clamp the aortic valve right there?’
‘Do you want me to clamp that tissue for you so it stops bleeding?’
‘His heart sure is beating fast. Are you sure that you are applying the right amount of pressure on the tissue?’
By now, the nurse is standing directly behind the Surgeon, so close that he can feel her hot breath on his neck.
When our husbands are busy leading our family, our nagging (no matter how innocent or quietly we think it is) is not needed. If God trusts our husbands enough to give him the position of being the Head of the Household, then we should trust that God will equip him with the tools/instructions to get the job done.
Let’s go back into the operating room.
The nurse is still talking and “offering her assistance”.
‘Doctor, did you remember to insert the pace-maker in the right place? I’ve seen how tricky these surgeries can be and I want to make sure that you are doing a good job. After all, you are representing our hospital’.
Trying not to let the nagging nurse hinder his surgery, the Surgeon continues to focus and concentrate, applying all the techniques that his Attending Surgeon has taught him. He knows that if he becomes distracted by the nurse, he will be held responsible.
He continues working on the patient, but speaks to the nurse:
‘Can you please go down the hall to the waiting room and inform Mr. Task’s family that the surgery is going well and it is almost over. Please tell them that I will be out in a few minutes to speak with them directly.’
The nagging nurse sucks her teeth, rolls her eyes and stomps out of the operating room and down the hall where the patient’s family is waiting.
Now, it may be very easy for us to point out all the faults of the nagging nurse, but could we do the same if this same exchange was in our house?
God (the Attending Surgeon) has instructed our husbands to lead our households. Often times, we overstep our boundaries, thinking we are being helpful by “reminding” them of their responsibilities -- although we are neither instructed nor trained by God to lead our families.
On the other hand, when the Surgeon asked the nagging nurse for her assistance, she copped an attitude.
Perhaps she felt the duty of updating the family was beneath her; maybe she felt the doctor was just trying to get rid of her. She didn’t take into consideration that the doctor trusted her enough to interact with the patient’s family. Perhaps he felt that since she was concerned about making a good impression for the hospital, updating the family was good customer service. Since he was busy with the surgery, he simply couldn’t be in two places at once.
At a recent Heirs Together meeting, Pastor pointed out that a wise wife should be "excited" and "celebrate" when her husband enlists her help because it is a sign that her husband trusts her.
Has your husband taken on a task and you offered your unsolicited assistance to “help” him get it completed? Have you reminded him to complete a task you thought he would otherwise forget? When he started the task, did you stand over his shoulder, making sure that he did it correctly? Do you offer your opinion on how he interacts with the children when they are in his care? When he is driving and you think he is lost, do you try to give him directions? Do you make decisions that affect your family, only informing your husband when you think he needs to know?
When your husband does ask for your assistance, do you get an attitude or give him lip because you think the task is too minimal or mundane?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, perhaps you are the nagging nurse of (insert your last name here) Hospital.
Husbands have so many responsibilities as the Head of our Household. Not only does he have to answer to God, he also wants to please you. What a role!
Going forward, instead of questioning the “why” or giving your husband an attitude, embrace the fact that he trusts you enough to ask for help in the first place (and that by doing so, he trusts that you will complete the task).
Additionally, don’t be the nagging nurse looking over your husband’s shoulder and offering unwanted assistance. Instead, simply ask him if you can help. Respect his answer, Wise Wife. “No” really does mean “no”.
Remember, a Wise Wife helps when asked! If you apply this, you are building your house!