From Frump to Fabulous
I want to offer tips to the wife who is experiencing sexual challenges or wanting to add spice back into lovemaking:
Plan For It
In our church's married couple's ministry, Heirs Together, we’ve learned that men and women are different. By God’s design, we think differently. We process things differently. As a result, we get aroused differently. While men tend to be more visual, generally, women tend to be more mental. This is why we hear women say they have to be “in the mood” for sex.
So my advice to you, Mrs. Wifey is to get your mind ready for sexual activity; plan on it happening. Just as you plan for other things (shopping trips with the girls, play dates for the children, lunch with your family, etc.), you need to plan to spend sexual time with your hubby.
Picture the act in your mind. Imagine the way it will feel. How he will smell. The glow you will have on your face afterwards. The smile he will have. You get the point. Start imagining all the elements of the experience -- well in advance of it happening.
To give you some starting points, start your day knowing that you will be sexually satisfied by your hubby at some point during that day.
You may want to Read Song of Songs to get you started. (No need for “Mommy Porn” or Fifty Shades of anything. Read your Word and add that spice!)
"How beautiful and how delightful you are, My love, with all your charms! "Your stature is like a palm tree, And your breasts are like its clusters. "I said, 'I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold of its fruit stalks.' Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, And the fragrance of your breath like apples,…"
Song of Solomon 7:6-8
Send your hubby text messages/emails throughout the day letting him know that you are thinking of him.
Try this one: "I am getting wet thinking of you...may need to change my panties soon..."
During the day, play songs that remind you of your hubby. (Brian McKnight is great source).
Change the Environment
Sometimes changing the location can help. Remember, your hubby can be content with having the same wallet he owned in high school, as long as still holds his license. He can also wear the same brown shoes for ten years, as long as they have no holes. But for us women, we are more satisfied with having a different pair of shoes for every day of the week. Never mind the countless dresses that we “must have”.
Remember the “before Christ” days when you would sneak and make out? Well, now you don’t have to sneak! (Hallelujah!) So if you find yourself next to your hubby while you are watching a movie together, cop a feel! If the children are around, grab a blanket. It may be an added bonus if you can arouse each other without being “caught” by the kiddies. (However, your children also need to see that they have parents who love on each other and show affection towards each other no matter who’s around).
Most of us chose our homes based on the space it provided. There are multiple rooms in your house! Make use of them. Besides that, God gave us a whole planet that is ours to richly enjoy! So the change of scenery may be literal. The possibilities are infinite!
But don’t just change your physical environment only. Change your mental environment as well. ADJUST YOUR ATTITUDE! Start thinking of sex as a ministry for your hubby. And you get to reap benefits as well.
Did you know that an orgasm can help relieve a multitude of ailments? Got a headache? Can’t get to sleep? Have cramps? I even hear that the protein in sperm is great for acne breakouts! The list goes on an on. Take the time to explore new natural remedies with your hubby.
Go to God
During your private time with God, confess your challenges to Him (not to your hubby). Also, make confessions of faith that you will satisfy your hubby and that he will satisfy you...every single time. Speak life to your intimacy with your hubby.
Dress To Impress
In God, we are fearfully and wonderfully made! While, God looks on your inside, your hubby (and you) look on the outside as well. So you need to make yourself appealing to your hubby and to yourself. If you have gained weight or feel frumpy lately, you are not making the situation any better by wearing oversized clothes and looking raggedy. If you tend to dress more “comfortable” (which is my p.c. word for “slouchy”), spruce it up.
I am not saying, necessarily, that you have to walk around in six inch heels and a garter belt, nor dress in your ball gown to sit around the house. I am saying, though, that just as you put an effort into dressing for others outside of your marriage, you should dress for your hubby. Ditch the frump and dress to impress for YOUR hubby! It’s amazing what a pair of earrings, a neat hair do and a little lip gloss will do.
Just Eat It
There are certain foods that contain sex inducing ingredients. Try them with your hubby. (Bonus Tip: Hand feed your hubby). Here are some things to explore together:
Be an Active Participant
Mrs. Wifey, do not expect your hubby to bring it all to the table! Help him out. Be an active participant! You can not complain about what happened at your party if you didn’t bring any music or entertainment for your guests. Intiate sex. Try changing up the positions. Get on top. Move your hips. Make noise. Get into it.
I challenge you to be an active participant for a minimum of five minutes. Trust me when I tell you that you will be so into it that you will be begging for more and time will fly by!