We're Saying the Same Thing!
Recently, LT and I were out enjoying date night. After dinner, we decided to catch a late movie and because we had a while before the movie was scheduled to begin, we decided to take a walk to pass time. During our stroll, what began as a casual conversation quickly escalated to a more heated one. While LT and I never have blow-outs or full blown arguments, we do have those "uncomfortably, heated" and "very passionate" conversations from time to time -- like every other happily married couple out there. And since I am being honest, I have to admit that sometimes during those conversations, instead of practicing excellent communication skills, like trying to understand the message he is conveying before presenting mine, I do the exact opposite.
That particular night, while LT was speaking and trying to get his point across, I was half listening because I was trying to think of a rebuttal that would make him see my side and agree that I was the one who was right.
But, of course, that wasn't the plan of the Holy Spirit!
While we walked and talked, it became clear that there was no point that I could give that made any real sense. Not because he was "more right" than me. Not because I didn't have any good points. It was because, ultimately, we wanted the same outcome. We were saying the exact same thing!
On this marriage road called "Happily Ever After", I realize that while LT and I may not always agree about every little thing (gasp!), there is always something we do. In the above example, we agreed that we both wanted a certain outcome but because of our God-given different communication styles, I couldn't see it at first. I was too occupied with wanting to be "right". But in marriage, there isn't a winner and a loser because we are on the same team.
This WHOAment caused me to pause and realize (after about 20 minutes of not "getting it") that both LT and I are committed to making our marriage into the one that God has intended. Although we have different communication and presentation styles, everything is not a debate. I learned when I stopped and really listened to what LT was saying, I got excited because we both wanted the same thing. The next step was to come up with and agree on ways to get the results we both wanted. It was freeing.
Because I recognized the WHOAment, the night didn't turn sour. Instead, we agreed that we would figure out the next step at another time and we went on with our evening. Once we came back together to discuss the situation, I wasn't as close-minded because I recognized that we had a common goal and, ultimately, we are working on reaching the goal -- together.
While it would be nice if I could also remember to "find the agreement" in every situation, this WHOAment is a reminder that when I do, the discussions are more fruitful.
*If you liked this WHOAment, you may also enjoy reading "Don't Be an A$$!"
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*What effective method(s) do you use for conflict resolution in your marriage?
*Think of a subject that you and your spouse are not seeing eye to eye. Is there an area in that conflict that you can identify as a point of agreement?